Summer in Canada. Not exactly where I thought I would be at 24 years old. Not that I ever really had a plan on what my life would be at this point only what I wouldn’t be. I never planned on following my Mother around that’s all I knew. So here I was in flip flops and a t-shirt and heaven forbid breaking my Mother’s cardinal rule for me as a youth; I was wearing shorts. It was fun sitting in a camping chair on Max’s Parents lawn a beer in my cup holder watching Max and his brothers chase one another around playing some kind of game they just instinctively knew from years of playing it tougher. Is this what normal people did? Did they take long weekends to visit their significant others and hang out on the lawn actually having a nice relaxing time? It was a surreal thing as I watched the scene unfold from behind my over sized sunglasses.
“They are a hand full.” I hear next to me as a second chair was set up at my side. Max’s Mom whom I had met during the playoff run and who sweetly came to see me finish the marathon when I told her my family wasn’t going to be there.
“I think that is the understatement of a lifetime. I have no idea how you could handle thing for years as they grew up. It’s a wonder your home is in one piece.” I say shifting in my chair turning slightly towards her.
“At some point you just have to give in to the chaos and go with it.” she said smiling as she looked out at the growing crew on the lawn as neighborhood kids came to join the game and to see Max. “Max is still like that. He’s still like he was as a little boy. A performer, a showman saving only his true self for the people he cares about.”
I nod knowingly. I hate that he has to be like that. He doesn’t need to perform for anyone I’m sure he is perfect as he is just as much Max when he’s at home on the couch talking to his dog or out being a giant goofball for the media. “I hope he’ll figure out eventually that he can just be himself.”
It was her turn to nod. “He’s a people pleaser. He knows everyone in Pittsburgh loves crazy wild Max Talbot so he will continue to do it so they are happy. He cares nothing for how it makes him feel.”
I watch as a pack of kids take him down. All I could do was make a hum noise in response since it was completely true. I’d caught him trying to people please me before and have had to yell at him because of it. I can try an insist all I want that he stops but then I guess I would be changing him. Anyways should I really complain that when I’m obviously feeling down he’ll bring me chocolate no matter where I’m at? As long as we’re in the same city he’ll do it. “I love that he cares so much about everyone that he would do anything. I just worry that someday he’ll wake up and realized in making everyone else happy for so long that he has neglected himself.”
“That’s what summer is for. He can be here and re-charge. He can be around the people that know him best. You’re good for him back in Pittsburgh. You give him a change to do that. He really cares for you Mallory.” she said before getting up. “I’m going to start dinner would you like to help?”
“Oh course.” I say getting up to follow her in leaving out lawn chairs side by side ass the men and children continue to play. I think it’s funny his Mom hasn’t figured out I can’t cook yet… or at least if she has she is being extremely polite about.
They always give me things to cut. Sometimes I think the Talbots add things to meals that need cut so I have something to do. Today I was shredding carrots for a carrot cake. It was just normal chat about what was going on around Montreal and such when th subject swiftly changed.
“Do you like children Mallory?” his Mom asked me.
“Oh course. I work in a pediatric unit. I have to like kids of my job would be a million times harder.” I explained.
“I mean do you enjoy children outside of work. I never see you around the kids.” She lifted her eyes to look at me.
I looked back blinking. She was really asking me about babies wasn’t she? Ugh. Max and I hadn’t even been dating for a year and people were all up on this baby thing already. “Yeah I like kids. I do better one on one though. I’m definitely not a teacher for a reason.”
“Oh I see.” she said going back to putting together the dry ingredients.
“Max is going to be an awesome Dad.” I say. She wasn’t going to get out of this conversation without knowing that I knew exactly what she was up to.
“Yes, he is like his own father. More of a child than a Man a lot of the time.”
I had to chuckle at that. “That’s half of why we love them though isn’t it? I know I can be to serious and hard sometimes and Max … he just makes me a better person.”
His Mom nodded. “That is when you don’t want to kill him.”
Smart woman.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Your Mom asked me about babies today.” I say as we drive cross town back to Saint Bruno where Max had his own place.
“She did?” he asked looking at me wide eyed. “I did not ask her to do that.”
“No, I know you didn’t. It was straight up I want Grandbabies kind of thing.” I explained.
“So what did you tell her?” there he was getting his version of the question in.
I sighed. “Max we haven’t even been dating for a year. It’s kinda scary to think about in a real sense. I mean I love you and you will be an amazing Dad but it’s so soon.”
“You didn’t answer the question.” he said reaching over from the driver seat poking me in the ribs lightly.
“Yes, I would like A kid someday. A kid as in one, Maybe if I’m good with the one more. I think we both know I’m better one on one with children.” it was so true. When looking at three or more kids I kind of just get annoyed and feel out numbered like they were going to riot and destroy everything including me.
“I think you will be a great Mom. You are fun and honest and so loving. I’ve seen you at work. You smile and laugh with the sickest of children like it doesn’t effect you.”
I scoff at that. “That just means I’m a good actress.” I did everything I could not to bring work home with me. My detox zone was my car. That’s why I always drove myself home from work even if it was more convenient to ride with someone else. I kept a make-up bag in there for the times when tears were required to elevate my stress or pain. Sarah had it easy. She could have her pain on her face and people would flock to make her feel better she was all cute like a puppy with a hurt paw limping. People don’t flock to me I was like a mangy cat with a cough and fleas that no one wants to touch. It might have something to do with me pushing them away the majority of the time but I don’t want to think about that.
He pulled into the under ground garage of his building parking the car. “I think that comment has pushed me over the edge.” he said turning in his seat to look at me as he spoke. “I need you to fucking talk to me Mal.”
It takes everything to hold my laugh in. “Max I love you to bits but listening really?”
“I want to make an effort but you have to make an effort to talk.” he said giving me his damn honest as fuck eyes. The look that says he’s all in. The look I find myself unable to match.
“You have to work to talk too. I know you want to leave the hockey at the rink but you can tell me your frustrations.” that’s it turn the tables… I tell myself.
He raised an eyebrow letting me know he wasn’t going to take my bait to lure him into an argument about him not talking. I sigh giving in. “I’ll try. I’ve just been faking it and holding it in for … forever. I’m getting better…”
He softened his look a little as he got out of the car. “Come on we got the new Netflix today and I told Kris he couldn’t come over to just stay home and Skype Sarah in Haiti if he was bored.”
“Poor guy he misses her, but I’m glad it’s just us.”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“So are you headed back up to Canada this weekend Mal?” my co-worker Annie asked.
“Yeah.” I say with a little smile. “I worked seven doubles straight so I’m going up for two weeks” Everyone knew I was seeing Max. It had been all over all spring. The internet was a buzz and it continues to freak me out. I liked my life of running around and people leaving me alone. It was making me feel paranoid when I find people looking at me. I’m always assuming they are think about my relationship with one of the more outgoing professional athletes in town.
“Oh that’ll be nice. I know it’s summer and all but what do you do up there?” Annie asked as she continued to work on her charts. She was just having conversation and it wasn’t bothering me. She wasn’t asking about Max but about me which was nice or a change.
“Well I shop a lot and visit with friends. There’s some visiting at the lake house sometimes and I spend a fair bit of time with family.” I shrug. People around here were used to me vacationing on Paris or London and having fancy stories. Hearing that I was spending time with family was completely not what anyone was expecting.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Summer in Montreal is a strange thing. A city I like to remember as snow and Christmas has been thawed out. There is no ice but there is always hockey in Montreal. Kids on the street in roller blades or in their sneakers chasing after balls. Tournaments and charity events were the norm. Golf, stick ball you name it Max got an invitation to it. As of late my name was added to them as well. Max and I attended many together he attended all things Golf related on his own and I attended brunches. He said it was my duty as his girlfriend to never let brunch happen to him.
Today was an event he had rsvped me for with out really asking to much. The event started at 10am so I assumed it was some kind of brunch. I put the address of the event in the GPS of my rental. Max had arranged for a different car for me each visit. Today I had a Lexus IS F. It was an amazing car so amazing I was actually thinking about getting one when I got back to Pittsburgh. I was so into the car that I didn’t realize I was at a tiny airport till it was to late. I got out of the car scratching my head calling the number on the invitation Max had given me.
“Hi, yes I’m Mallory Hillman. I just wanted to make sure I was at the right location.” I listened as the receptionist made an attempt at English but the jest of what she was saying that I was at the right place for the sky diving charity function.
I ended the call immediately calling Max. I’m sure he was standing there seeing my number and picture on his phone because the bastard send me straight to voicemail. “Sky diving? I’m going to fucking kill you, you fucking idiot. What the fuck ever made you think I would fucking like to sky dive? Oh and yes all your lovely polite Canadians are looking at me like the fucking rude American that I am.” I hit end and stomped toward the event tent where I could see them holding up a pink flight suit with my name on it.
Then the texts came in. ‘I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN. YOU NEEDED SOMETHING SPECIAL. DON’T KILL. MY MY MOM WOULD MISS ME.’ followed by ‘BE CAREFUL. I LOVE YOU AND WOULD CRY IF YOU DIED SO DO NOT’
Fuck him the fucking bastard.
The rest of the morning I spent in training then a light lunch as we reviewed what we had gone over. We all changed into our flight suits and were prepped with hair and make-up. This is where I got a little confused. Well I spent most of the morning being confused but I figured out that the event was a jump by hockey wives and girlfriend benefiting breast cancer awareness. I can dig that. I mean my family name is on a cancer treatment center back in Pittsburgh. And everything you’ve seen on BBC America about ‘Footballer’s Wives’ does not apply to hockey wives. I knew this before leaving Pittsburgh. The women hockey players marry seem to be the good ones. I’m sure the men have had their time out sewing their wild oats but the women they choose to hunker down with in the bomb shelter of life are some of the sweetest individuals I’ve ever met. What I wasn’t understanding was why we were being prepped for photos. I mean I figured there would be photos hair flying goggles makes us all look like dorks but I was not expecting the parade of camera’s and tv crews. We were put into three groups, the French speakers, the French/English speakers and the English speakers. They assumed I was an only English speaker being my passport reads American but I quickly corrected that nonsense. They made an attempt to test me but obviously I passed. There wasn’t a way to survive with Max’s family not knowing French. They all had great English but at home it was all Quebec all the time.
I don’t know if they were just really curious about me or something but I felt like there were a million little mini interviews. It was a pain in the ass and draining but I was polite in all of them. I didn’t want to make Max look like an idiot. At the same time I was saddened and frustrated having been dragged into his Superstar world. Especially when an interviewer asked what I did and I told him I was a nurse and he ended his report by saying something about how Pittsburgh’s heiress a la Paris Hilton had a ‘heart of gold’. If only he had heard my fuck filled tirade on Max’s voice mail from the morning he might have thought differently.
When the cameras and such cleared out we were left to actually suit up though there were still a few camera’s snapping away as we all got into the gear and many made final calls to their husbands and boyfriends. I looked around wishing I had Sarah here to jump with me. As much as I wished she was here I knew even if she was in Montreal with Kris rather than Haiti he would never sign her up to jump out of a plane. No, she’d volunteer herself the crazy girl.
I sighed pulling out my phone to text Max. ‘WE’RE 10 MINS to TAKE OFF PRAY I DON’T GO SPLAT LIKE A BUG.’ I sent off.
‘YOU WON’T GO SPLAT. NO ONE WANTS TO SEE ME CRY’
I sighed texting back that I loved him but he was still dead the next time I saw him.
All our personal things were collected and we boarded the plane sitting buckled into the bench seats along the sides. From the air Montreal was a cool city. From the ground it was cool too, in fact second to home it was my favorite North American city even prior to Max… well third. Everyone loves New York. We flew over the city center making a big loop approaching the airport again and the adjacent field which was out ‘drop zone’. They even had a big pink target painted on the field. They motion us up and we clip in. There’s nothing like being strapped to a ‘professional’ sky diver/breast cancer survivor that is simple. We waddled around as a team and waited in the line up to jump. We were the last team out since I was ‘late’ and all.
I can honestly say there is nothing quite like free falling through the air your face stretched back as you watch the ground come at you. It looks like it’s in slow motion but you know it’s hundreds of feet a second. Time and space leave you and you can’t help but think how amazing the rush of it is and how much you don’t want to die. I could see the kind of rush this could be each day you look back with cancer in your rear view mirror. It all comes to an end though. A jerk of an end as the parachute is opens. Then you’re drifting and drifting floating to the ground in shock of what just happened and in no way capable of processing it all as the ground gets closer and closer. The next thing you know you’re on your butt in a field of spray painted pink grass.
“Mal, Mallory, Mal, Mal…” I hear as I get unhooked from my jump coach/life line. We had to take a few post jump pictures and we seriously hugged it out before having to leave the area. It was then I saw Max by the spectator area.
My eyes welled up unexpectedly. “You fucking bastard.” I say as tears start to fall. He hugs me tight and it all goes away. I can feel how tight he’s squeezing me and how his head is buried in my wind blown messy hair. I squeeze back unable to stay angry with him.
“Don’t ever let me tell you to jump out of a plane and actually go through with it ever again.” he said into my hair still not letting go even as camera’s snap our picture.
“I’m never planning on jumping out of a plane again if you tell me to or not.” I say with a chuckle.
“I was so worried.” he said in an almost whimper.
“Me too.” I joke back.
“Mal if anything ever happened to you I would be devastated.” he said letting go taking only my hand as we walked over to the little post-jump tent where I would have to talk again no doubt Max would as well since he randomly showed up. I didn’t care though. I loved my boyfriend even if I wanted to murder him earlier in the day. I just needed to find a way to be stoic and not gush. My Grandmother was already going to be on the hunt for me having done this without consulting anyone at home. Mind you it wouldn’t be because I was doing something dangerous with myself but because it was dangerous for the family name.
